If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
