and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
false alarm, still single
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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