best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
