My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
