When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
