TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
