he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
