I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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