Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
