im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
