Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
