your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
