I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
