Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
