"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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