It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
