I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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