Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
