oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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