I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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