so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
