i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
