I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
