I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
