hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
