MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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