does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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