when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
