Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
