so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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