i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
