A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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