I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
These tits shall not be calmed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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