Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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