Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
