the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
