he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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