butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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