we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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