Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
