So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
