And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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