She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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