i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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