I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
