I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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