I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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