I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
