I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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