They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
