forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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