I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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