Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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