why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
