About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
