I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
