Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
