I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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