So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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