The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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