I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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