Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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