Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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