it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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