K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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