Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
