Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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