Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
