Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Will exercising make me less horny?
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