This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
