If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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