God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
