fuck your aforementioned shoe
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
